Politicians word salad template
After carefully analysing thousands of hours of House of Commons debates and political interviews (OK, fine, I used Google AI to help), I have prepared a temple for all MPs to follow. Donations are, of course, welcome, y’all being on £100,000 a year and all.
For the rest of us, this is an example of the most frequency used waffle and word salad these morons spew out on a daily basis, (while deluding themselves that they are so smart, and that we are all just too dumb to figure out they are gaslighting us every single day). Take away their Crib sheets and most of them are dribbling, stuttering imbeciles!
(Hmm. #Makerfield, 25,000 Labour votes though. People do give them so much ammo!)
Anyway, it’s a script they share. Some shady unelected officials give them key phrases, coach them, give them prepared dialogue to read out or to insert into their daily verbal diatribe to say and to answer – NOTHING. Because they are just low intellectual puppets, rubbing stamping what they are told before trotting off to their tax-payers funded bars and restaurants*.
Anyway:
Let me very clear,
In the national interest,
I won’t take any lessons from [you] [insert 10-year-old reason].
I won’t get into hypotheticals, [I have a PPE, not real world experience]
I’m not going to give a running commentary [So I don’t get caught in a lie]
I don’t have the figures to hand [not a Scooby and could not care less anyway]
What the British people want is [our vision; they can’t be allowed to think for themselves]
Strong and stable,
We will…
deliver change. [We will line our own pockets as fast as possible. The electorate? We’ll take all their spare change and more.]
and it’s been like this for a very, very long time. [Because we are the uni-party!]
We are in this together” [We, as in us, not you lot. And we like it that way. We look after our own in the blob!]
Bonus side note on their tax-payer funded dining and boozing
*If you were wondering, it is to the tune of about £7.5 million A YEAR, ‘cos being on £100,000 and expenses and allowed gifts, and all the rest is just not enough. We have to buy their booze and dinner too. #Unbelievable. But remember, we are all in this together. Apparently.
Our world-class chefs, masters of their craft, have meticulously curated a menu that seamlessly blends traditional British flavours with a contemporary flair…
Me?
I had a cheap Morrisons pie for dinner. Just a pie. It was reduced, end of day and going out of date, saves a few pence. Cost of living and all that.
Meanwhile, the likes of Andy Burnham are now enjoying parliamentary cuisine – half of which I’d have to Google to see what it was! But Andy will tell you he’s just a regular, North West born ‘n’ bred, working class bloke, like me, and perhaps you, (and the 25,000 pillocks in Makerfield next door that voted the shyster in!)
BULLSHIT!
“In the interests of transparency, the House of Commons is committed to publishing sample menus and tariffs for Catering Services‘ venues periodically throughout the year.”
They also have a number of licenced bars (as well as all the restaurants etc), for instance the Strangers’ bar (2023 prices).
A typical MPs Members Dining Room tax-subsidised lunch might look like this:
Starter: Pressed duck leg and caper terrine with celeriac and mustard rémoulade and sour dough toast (£4.52)
Main: Roasted cauliflower and tarragon steaklet with samphire and hazelnut pesto, pickled kohlrabi and aubergine baba ganoush (vegan, gluten free) (£7.33)
Dessert: Gooseberry and hazelnut cake: Moist hazelnut sponge, gooseberries and crème fraîche (vegan) (£2.71)
Pint of Stella Artois (4.8% ABV) to wash it down: £4.50
Or perhaps a Colombard Sauvignon Blanc white wine (11.5% ABV) (£3.35 for 125ml glass, £4.85 for 175ml glass)
I’m not thick, I’ve got a B.Sc and everything, but I look at that menu and…
celeriac? (celiac I know, that, nope),
pickled kohlrabi (huh?),
rémoulade? (mustard marmelade!?),
samphire? (sapphire (Al2O3 I know). Maybe they meant vampire, they are a bunch of blood-suckers after all! 🧛).
Behave your bloody selves. What’s wrong with a bacon butty – and paying for it yourself!? This is why these gits are so utterly out of touch!
No wonder Angela Raynor was so falling down drunk in the HoC that she nearly pulled a door off its hinges. Allegedly.
Most of us can’t even afford to go to the pub – and yet here we are funding champagne socialists bar tabs to the point that they are falling down drunk. And yet those morons couldn’t organise a piss-up in a brewery! #Unbelievable.
Feature image generated by Google Gemini, which I note looked up my location to tailor the result.
