Twitter : Five Word Tech Horrors

I was following this trend on Twitter – #FiveWordTechHorrors – and realised it seemed familiar. Then I remembered that one job. You know the one, a new client is having problems and pulls you in as a consultant to help them make the deadline. This is your first day…

Perhaps you remember a similar conversation in the office?

If any of the following make you feel cold a moment, we feel your pain. Back away from the phone and systems and take a coffee break! I shuffled the post order to make it better 😉

@jbirley
We need a project manager

@BenNunney
I let management have input

@joshuafennessy
Hi. I’m your consultant today

@jarodm5
Lets go with whatever’s cheapest

@timantz
Hi. I’m the lowest bidder.

@packetu 1m
That’s why I hired you

@drjmetz
The last guy didn’t document

@hyperdeath128k
Million lines of COBOL. Uncommented.

Storagezilla
Person who scripted that left

@dcbyron
It’s being rewritten in PHP

@JohnMiner3
my code is self documenting

@OscartheOrange
why would anyone do that?

@CausalDensity
We’ve always coded this way.

@jasonbock
Writing tests takes too long

@melvinwalker
There’s no time for testing

@goaliegirl
Wait, just one more thing!

@jbirley
We’ll test performance in Production

@devopstom
How hard can it be?

@timburks
just one more small change

@sithanas
We promoted that to production

@vmiss33
let the sales guy demo

@mthiele10
Do they know which cable

@ccie11293
I didn’t think about that

@BlueShiftBlog
Is the green wire important?

@l33tLumberjack
Don’t Worry. It’s not live

@37point2
Trust me, it will work

@jermhudson 47s
There is smoke coming out

@mariobrumii
I don’t smell any smoke

@mwolpin
Is that supposed to happen?

@goaliegirl
No, that isn’t a feature

@SupSvcMI 45s
Well, Never Seen THAT Before

@kevdog
If only you had listened.

@beefarino
Okay, who broke the build?

@goaliegirl
Can’t you just fix it?

@vWilmo
Cutting budgets, make it work

@GunsnCoasters
My son knows web design

@joeldrans
I didn’t touch that code

‏@vmiss33
Is it supposed to do that?

@jonisick
Not sure, but it’s working.

@mdroush
This Nigerian guy e-mailed me!

@DevNambi
So, I opened this attachment…

@gallifreyan
What’s the worst that could….

@jfranconi
It started to act weird

@DevNambi
We stop SQL injection, right?

‏@chasker
I think it’s backed up

@mdecuir
Why are the backups failing?

‏@SomeClown
The Internet must be down

@BrentO
You took a backup, right?

@DevNambi
I thought *you* took backups

@wcpreston
My backups didn’t work yesterday

@BlueShiftBlog
“Wait, snapshots are not backups?”

@cswaters1
You haven’t tested your backups?

‏@Bwya77
Your backups have been corrupted

@billdriver
Meeting for 4PM on Friday.

@erictomb
We’re outsourcing your department, sorry.

@johnsonch 1m
if it compiles, ship it

@pborenstein
We’ll fix it with documentation.

@k00laidIT
We only have one copy

‏@GlassDiva1
Let’s get marketing on it

@CurtMonash
Let me show some slides.

@jdferries
dont you have any feelings?

@MorganCavalier
We’ll get customer input later

@hattz
Bug? No, it’s a feature.

@pr1ntf
Uhoh, the users have pitchforks

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